A Six Class Series
Co-Dependence arises when we doubt our own creative capacity and instead, rely on others to guide and support us. The tragedy of Co-Dependence is that it keeps us from accepting our creative greatness. Instead of defining ourselves in terms of our best contribution, we get caught up in patterns where we frame our experiences in terms of the needs of others. Unfortunately, the translation from who we are to what others want us to be, is not great and leaves a lot to be desired. Co-Dependence creates confusion, compromise, constant reactions, doubts, irritation and anxiety. The major problem of Co-Dependence is it reduces our consciousness and capacity to see our creative gifts; we do not see a way to escape.
We heal Co-Dependence by first recognizing the elements that make us susceptible to it. Every individual has certain Fears, Desires and needs that are harder to manifest (for themselves), which opens us up to seeing how others could take care of us. We will also evaluate our weaknesses and why we seek individuals with complementary strengths to make us feel more secure. This allows us to understand how our attempts to be seen actually end up denying us. This occurs because unconsciously, many of our partner choices are afraid of our increasing success. Finally, we will discuss the unconscious decision-making processes that define how we end up with the people we do.
This class is self revealing and process-driven. It requires admitting our Fears and uncomfortable Desires. The more we can tell our Truth about our experiences of Safety, Security and Self Importance, the easier it will be for us to take ownership of our Creative Nature and Autonomy. What is valuable is to regain integrity by understanding the Context of the motivation to express ourselves. We do this by seeing our own Beauty, Truth and Goodness so we no longer carry the burdens of parental guilt, shame and blame. In effect, we re-envision how we can be a conscious contributor. In this framework, there is no need for compromise.
Co-Dependence reduces our Autonomy, Intimacy and Co-Creativity. To the degree we cannot distinguish ourselves from our partners, we cannot be true to ourselves. Conscious partners operate from their abundance, because they have a framework for knowing what is right for them. If we do not develop our capacity to accept our individual Beauty, Truth and Goodness, we are not able to contribute to our partner. In Co-Dependent states, when we do not know what we want, we cannot request it from a partner. Externalizing our Truth so our partner knows how we see things, allows them to actually support us. If we cannot share our Truth, our ability to align with others in Co-Creative ways is undermined.
One of the best ways to neutralize Co-Dependence is through Passionate Indifference. Passionate Indifference allows us to fully connect to others without buying into their fears, desires or stories. Instead of the Distant defense pattern of checking out, we remain available to others. Our objective is to be present with someone without becoming enmeshed or repulsed by their personality. We need to demonstrate that we can see them, but that we do not believe they are limited by how they currently express themselves. When we believe we have to take care of someone, it is because we think they are less capable or that we are better at something. This creates a situation with limited and porous boundaries. Conscious individuals want the choice to express themselves however they wish in the moment. With Passionate Indifference the paradox of engaging others without losing our Self is possible.
Healing Co-Dependence is about reducing reactions so our natural creativity can connect. This requires less fixed structures (or beliefs) in the relationship so we can explore beyond our current boundaries. We need to release our partners from our limiting beliefs so the relationship can evolve and transform. Letting go of judgments about our sensations, feelings, emotions and thoughts also facilitates this. It is comparisons between ourselves and others about these experiential modalities that are the basis of making our worse case assessments. Co-Dependence leads to protective and directive behaviors that irritate and undermine any mutual understanding and compassion. When mutual contempt shows up, the relationship become poisonous. We can avoid this outcome if we are willing to learn about who our partners truly are and commit ourselves to serving their highest aspirations.
Six Creative Discussions:
- How Deep is our Co-Dependence?
- The Mechanics of Co-Dependence
- Building Safety, Security and Self Importance
- Autonomy, Intimacy and Co-Creativity
- Practicing Passionate Indifference
- Transforming Co-Dependence