What Is Love?
Unconditional Love is the capacity to love without desiring anything in return. Radiant Self Unifying Love is an acknowledgment of our connection to the Universe around us. It is a choice about where we want to place our attention based on how we appreciate people, places and things. When we attempt to make love a thing, others become objects of our affection. The more fixated we become on how others love us, the less we appreciate qualities of creativity within ourselves. We can make love about sex, conditional expressions with others and aspirational qualities we need to feel whole. Radiant Love is different because our wholeness is acknowledged from within. When we are able to radiantly love others we naturally see their Beauty, Truth and Goodness.The more conscious we are, the broader our experience of love. When we are fearful and caught up in desires, we focus on outer beauty, how others agree with our truth and their superficial desires to be supportive of us. Radiant Self Unifying Love is where we choose to be with someone, not because of how they defer to us or make us happy, but the natural joy that emerges when interacting with them.
We can view love from four different perspectives: Instinctive, Intellectual, Idealized or Co-Creative. To begin with, we may see love as the equivalent of sexual chemistry and physical attractiveness. In this part of the world (United States), we experience love by others being attached to us. In turn, we agree to become attached to them. The more we experience the object of our love taking us beyond our expectations, the more the relationship is special. The less we seem to be able to influence sexual love and physical attraction, the more our love becomes externalized and represented only by the other personâ€™s presence (or bereft when they are not present). Usually, we fall into Gender-Identity roles or expectations that need to be fulfilled for love to be expressed. On the Instinctive Level, love is about taking action to demonstrate interest and desire. If there is no action, it is assumed there is no desire. Each partner is expected to demonstrate love in a way their partner finds fulfilling. The more our partner holds back or operates in a state of inertia by not naturally responding to our desires, the more we question their love for us. This is why when the â€˜love tranceâ€™ (or honeymoon period) is broken at this level, it is very difficult to recover.
We can also experience love when others take supportive positions about us. Someone extending him or herself expresses love (on Intellectual level) by proving they are committed to us. On this level, love depends on how others treat us. The more protective, directive or willing to exchange love we are (the common positions of love), the more we believe love is about considerate thinking and congruent behaviors in ways that fulfill our needs. This is an intellectual checklist approach to love, where we attempt to find partners that compliment our weaknesses and fulfill our desires. We can validate the degree we are in this form of love by how much we compare our partners (to others) to determine our current level of satisfaction (externally referenced). The more a partner unconsciously competes with us or needs to take an opposite perspective to counter-balance us, the more intense and frustrated we become, which diminishes our experience of love. We operate from the assumption that everything is negotiable, and this is why if we think we can get what we want (even if it has been consistently denied in the past) we are always willing to try again.
We may also believe love is about seeing the best in others and having them see the best in us. At this level of love, we are idealizing Trust, Unity or how we interact with our partner, which makes it extremely difficult to feel satisfied. Everything seems constantly out of reach, which makes it challenging to accept ourselves naturally where we are. As a result, we develop greater anxiety and/or resistance to the suggestions of our partners, which makes the relationship more intractable. At the Idealization Level, love is about agreeing with our Projections of who we are and how we want to be seen by our partners. When our partner eventually challenges us, we feel hurt and unable to restore our self-image in their eyes. Over time, this wears away our enthusiasm and we find ourselves questioning our choices. Eventually we leave or become disheartened and disengaged because the compromise of Self becomes too much.
Finally, the most inclusive form of love depends on being willing to love ourselves as creative beings so we can honor and interact with other human beings without Attachments, Positions or Projections. Our Personality (which is a survival mechanism) is doing the best it can and needs our creative guidance to function for our conscious benefit. The key is to love our creativity and to find within us the source of our natural contributions to others. Only by affirming our own love of Self do we come to enjoy the sharing of love with others. We learn that it is to our benefit to â€˜be lovingâ€™ under all circumstances. We discover it provides the freedom to see people where they are and respond to them in a way that is beneficial for all. This inclusive form of love (called Radiant Self-Unifying Love) recognizes and embraces the different expressions of love discussed previously. Additionally, it demonstrates that authentic love is based on Creative Autonomy, and does not compromise itself through limited outer personality reassurance or needs. In other words, we do not need to be someone we are not to gain the love of another. The more we operate from a deficit of love, the more self-compromise distances us from the love we seek.
At its source, Radiant Self-Unifying Love is self generating and only requires that we connect authentically to our Self. This means the more we are identified with our Attachments, Positions and/or Projections, the more we seek personality-driven principles instead of love â€” such as Safety, Security and fulfillment of our needs by others. This does not mean we should deny or distance ourselves from our needs, just that happiness means not confusing needs with love. At the core of not being able to receive love is the denial of our authentic creativity, which limits any ability to effectively share ourselves with others. This creates a negative cycle where our neediness attracts others with complementary needs. This increases our mutual compromise and focuses us exclusively on limited personality-based expressions of love. In this situation, since personality love requires the compromise of our partner, we cannot meet heart-to-heart in bonded, co-creative expressions.
The other side of personality-based expressions of love is how we need to constantly prove our love by meeting the needs of our partners (even when it compromises us). This â€˜share the painâ€™ approach to unconscious relationships means that the relationship cannot completely fulfill its true purpose â€” to enrich and expand self-knowing about our Beauty, Truth and Goodness. Instead, we learn to be conditional in our giving and require greater performance by our partners in order for us to engage them more. Radiant Self-Unifying Love arises from our core and seeks to be expressed despite the limited, self-serving actions of others. Instead of love being personality-based reassurance patterns, love can be expressed in terms of Life and Light and opportunities for Mutual Learning and Growth. We fully express unconditional Radiant Self-Unifying Love only in the act of Co-Creation with others. This ability to operate synergistically with another is a reflection first of each partnerâ€™s ability to love themselves and then their ability to love each other. This is why we see so few truly Co-Creative projects and relationships with others in our communities.
Recognizing Our Experience With Love
Behind all the Instinctive, Intellectual and Idealized forms of love are limited ways we relate to our Selves. In other words, the more we need others to fulfill us, the more we are defining and limiting our Self to lower personality expressions of love. This reflects how our love has been personalized into Attachments, Positions and Projections so its full possibility cannot fulfilled. This occurs through our pursuit of unfulfilling pleasures, power over people and separative passions. These love substitutes prevent trust, unity and co-creative synergy that would otherwise fulfill us. We can validate this by observing that the effect of excitement produces irritating, numbing contraction instead of true pleasure. Also, knowledge without wisdom produces intensity, control and power struggles. Finally, separative passion (where a false sense of self respect, esteem or worth is used to justify what we want over others) degenerates into endless, hopeless scarcity. Our personality programming, by itself, cannot easily distinguish between what is real (that transcends our Self) and what is not.
As a result, we are often caught up in personality â€˜Storiesâ€™ about love rather than the experience of love and loving others. The more we try to rely on our personality mechanism to acquire love, the less effective we are at finding it. Our personality is a mechanism without the ability to self reflect. It is blinded by authentic Aliveness, Wisdom and Awareness. Only when we can commune with our creative spirit can we transcend our programming by being Self-reflective. Otherwise, only when the unconditional love of others cannot be denied do we even consider how magnificent we are. The personality cannot enforce its protective mandates when we creatively accept our Creative Nature. This is why the personality needs to deny authentic love until we are Self-generating, creative and able to sustain our perspective of creative wholeness. This can be validated by how our programming gets over loaded when Radiant, Self-Unifying Love (such as experiencing oneness with the Universe) occurs unexpectedly.
As Life and Light energy are the precursors to a stabilized, co-creative experience of Radiant, Self-Unifying Love, we need to both empower and blend the masculine expression of Aliveness and the feminine expression of Wisdom (to sustain our Co-creative wholeness). Both Autonomy and Intimacy are used as a foundation for taking risks (rejection, abandonment, and the attempt to manipulate us through guilt, blame and shame) that shift our personality perceptions into creative empowerment. Otherwise, we are left only with automatic reassurance patterns, unresolvable power struggles and a constant fear we will lose ourselves in others. Without a self-reflective, creative spirit, these personality conflicts limit and define our experiences with others. It is the capacity to reframe these exchanges (where we deny Life, Light and Love) that frees us from the tyranny of personality expressions of love. Only we, as conscious co-creators of our lives, have the ability to be transfigured by love. By this we mean that only Radiant, Self-Unifying Love takes us beyond our personality considerations. Along this path we become clear how to remake our personality perceptions in ways that serve our growth, not limit it.