Remaking Our Self Love
Lacking a bigger picture, it becomes easy to identify love with possession, commitment and the endless seeking of outer fulfillment. When we deny our creative nature, we are always insecure and pre-emptively attempt to mold others to fit our needs. The more love is about proving ourselves, the less loving it actually is. This reflects that embodied forms of love are energetic, receptive and fluid connections with others. They are responsive rather than reactive. Fully embodied love offers the ability to Connect, Communicate, Co-Measure (to see what each can effectively give without Self sacrifice to the other), and Co-Create. Embodied love is a balanced sharing of oneself, which lets us be both Self reflective and supportive of our partner. In this form of love, we discover more of our Beauty, Truth and Goodness interacting within ourselves and with each other. The more we embody Self love, the more we can appreciate our own creative contribution and be responsive in ever-increasing ways to our circumstances. All conditional forms of love limit or deny greater forms of connectedness and Co-Creativity. This is why creative power is synonymous with the ability to love oneself fully. It requires that we awaken to the reality of our creative nature, which is not limited by our personality structure or needs.
Loving our Creative Self requires acknowledging and confronting our Fears, so we do not fall into pre-designed safe ways of expressing love. Our recommendation is to notice how much of our expression of love is about reassuring others. Does this act minimize our own love of others and subtly distance us from them? Can we honor the wholeness of others, however they are being in the world, so in Self-reflection we can maintain our own wholeness? Otherwise, attachments to safety instinctively compromise how we show up. We keep seeking people who will engage us in the perfect way, so we do not have to stretch or grow beyond our Fears. Since Fear itself contracts us, it also limits the outer expression of our Life energy, which reduces the ability to attract others who are more aligned. As a result, we get caught up in false beliefs and begin to accept we will not be seen in particular ways and we should just go along to get along. The more we deny where we are and what we need, the more likely we will get caught up in fantasy or other addictive patterns where we need substitutes to offset our inability to be loved energetically.
Loving our Creative Self requires that we acknowledge and confront our Personality Desires, particularly to determine if they are appropriate to the current situation. The problem with Personality Desires is that we get fixated on what we lost in the past and do not pay attention to what would serve us in the moment. An example of this is when we want something so much, and it requires sacrifice over a long period of time to get it, when we actually get it, we are no longer interested. We see examples of this in the moment we are enamored with having bought something, but when we actually posses it, it no longer holds the same value to us. Personality Desires can actually repulse what we really want when we are unconscious about what will happen if we in fact get it. In this way, we are the source of our own undoing because we create the dramatic obstacles that keep sabotaging our ability to have and hold what we want. Perhaps we have seen this when we end up losing something very precious due to unexpected consequences.
Separative Passion is the result of unconscious conflicts where we do not know what is best for us because we have become isolated in our world. The more we have a fragmented sense of neediness, the more likely our internal structures will prevent us from getting and having what we want. This is because we become overly identified with our Emotions or Thoughts, and believe that our Security lies in the acquisition of things or manipulation of people that will make things easier for us in the long term. The problem is that without resolving our inner conflicts, they become externalized in our relationships in ways that cannot be effectively addressed. This is validated by how we can simultaneously love and hate the people we want to be with. We semi-consciously want to see a future with somebody that can provide the stability or ease which we automatically believe we cannot provide for ourselves.
Loving our Creative Self requires that we integrate our experiences and accept our Selves as we are. The more we deny who we are, the more we need partners who can take care of us in ways we cannot take care of ourselves. This creates relationships where partners compensate for our lack of self-motivation to help us be what we want to be. In other words, we want our partner to believe in us where we doubt ourselves. Until we accept and love our Selves in these dispossessed areas, we will constantly Project onto others what we need them to be for us, and will find ourselves in co-dependent entanglements. We are also seeking to counter-balance Attractions to Aliveness with Wisdom, so we can artificially create a balance between sexual and intellectual chemistry. Loving our Self in this framework requires integrating our Feelings and Emotions, so we can validate our own experience and do not need the agreement of others. This ability to be Autonomous is what makes Co-Creativity possible.
Being able to create a Common Neutral Ground requires the ability to imagine that each of us has an independent relationship space. We have to accept our own natural boundaries and hold them inviolate so we can operate without compromise. The biggest obstacle to loving others in relationship is not honoring first that we are the source of our own experience. The more we take on anotherâ€™s reality, the more likely we will get confused and entangled in our ability to serve them. Being clear about our Beauty, Truth and Goodness keeps us from losing ourselves (by trying to fix our partners as a way of healing ourselves). Until we recognize that true healing occurs by being an example of integrity, rather than throwing ourselves into the breach, we will constantly become resentful and dissatisfied with what we perceive as our partnerâ€™s problems. Let us commit to our healing by loving the places within that leave us feeling irritated with others and ourselves.
It is not initially easy to love ourselves. Our Conditioning (in the form of Attachments), Defensiveness (in the form of Positions) and Idealization patterns (in the form of Projections) all interfere with our ability to Love our Creative Self. In each situation, our denial of Life, Light or Love compromises our ability to respond in a clear and effective manner. The more we love our Self the more others feel free to be their true Selves around us. When others realize that our love is not personality based, it frees them up to respond outside their personality level. They gravitate toward us because we are a source of reflection where they can release self-denying patterns and meet us. In this way, by being an example of Radiant Self-Unifying Love, we become a source of fulfillment not just for ourselves, but for those around us. The real benefit of making the investment to clear these patterns is the natural joy we find in the ongoing discovery of our creative nature. We feel more balanced and able to respond to the world. We recognize the limitations of others and do not ask of them what they cannot provide. As a result, we become a source of encouragement and our enthusiasm is something that transcends existing circumstances so mutual empowerment can occur.
We grow in our experience of Self Love not only by doing creative projects that enrich us, but also by esteeming our (inner) masculine side and respecting our (inner) feminine self. Self Esteem is a masculine framework where we engage in a masterful way to express our power in time. If we doubt our ability to manifest our words in a congruent, physical way, the more our Self Esteem is undermined. What we want to see is a constantly expanding framework for taking action in alignment with our vision. Self-Respect is a feminine framework that uses mystery and Self Reflection to evoke unknown, unplanned opportunities. The more we can respond to any situation and mold it to fulfill our personal and transpersonal desires, the more Self Respect we possess. What we want to experience is a direct connection with the Universe as a Self Reflection of our inner Wisdom. In this way, Self Esteem is the outer and Self Respect is the inner representation of our creative power. It is important not to personalize these principles but see how they create a greater wholeness by combining both within.