Fifth Cause Of Co-Dependence
When we deny Love to ourselves we minimize our desire to Love others. Co-Dependent patterns encourage the appearance of caretaking, without actually loving others. The more we are caught demonstrating our love through sex, protection, direction or quid pro quo exchanges, the more others see the conditional nature of love. Most importantly, by denying love, we reduce our creative identification, which automatically decreases our Context and Creative Iintelligence. This means we do not recognize that others see through our deceptions and Pretenses. Since we are investing less in our Creative Nature, we lean on others for attention, admiration and adoration. It is ironic that bye denying love to ourselves, it pushes us to prove it more to others. What is paradoxical is it is frequently an imbalance between our Feelings and Emotions that keeps us from recognizing how our Love is not deep or fulfilling. Instead, it is about the pursuit of love, rather than giving Love. This result illustrates our denial about Self Love.
When we cannot love ourselves, we do not create a space for us to exist. This means we are, at most, two-dimensionally aware of love, when Love requires three dimensions. This is because Love requires Energy, Time and Space. Space is the way we relate to others. To love someone we have to acknowledge their space, coming from our own space. This creates an energetic connection in time with two points as anchors. When we do not create our own space, we exist mostly in our heads. Others are just abstractions. When we affirm our creativity by owning our space, we develop the capacity to see others as equal beings. This allows us to let go of Projections on others, which minimizes Co-Dependent behaviors. Otherwise, we reinforce and re-enact behaviors that appear loving, yet are not Transfigurative (not do not offering meaning to the connections we make).
When in an environment where love is denied, people act out overly righteous and explicitly conforming behaviors that curry favor or exact punishment. This occurs when we lack Context and cannot connect with others. It produces superficially judgmental demands to meet the status quo. This is particularly true when one partner is more sensitive and needs to be seen as powerful. The more we climb this external hierarchy structure, the more each partner needs to conform to shifting expectations. Co-Dependent behavior is how well we present a common image that meets othersâ€™ desires. It is not only what we do, but if someone likes, accepts and sees us as leaders in our community. Unfortunately, these demands exact a heavy burden and undermine our ability to love and express ourselves autonomously. If we love one our partner, would we not want them to be seen for who they are and have the freedom to express themselves the way they want? If not, our need to enforce a standard (upon them) is neither kind nor loving.
To bring love to a relationship is to create a connection that affirms our mutual space, with or without a Common Neutral Ground. The ironic aspect is we do not need to prove our love to others or ourselves for it to exist. All we need to do is maintain a clear connection between our space and theirs, and not get caught up in Projections or comparisons. The purpose of an energetic connection is to be present to one another. Through these connections, we build upon commonalities and implement activities that bring about greater creative expression. When we are not willing to create this connection, we are left playing roles for each other, hoping our partner will not notice when we check out.
As we declare a connection and show love by contributing to our partner, it creates an undeniable bond. This bond gives us permission to express our Love in whatever form we wish. When the connection is there, we experience no doubt or diminishment of Energy, Time or Space. It is like the experience is real, and whatever is happening on top of that â€˜realnessâ€™ is simply acting out various possibilities. This creates the possibility of Passionate Indifference. Passionate Indifference is a full commitment to show up with our partner without wondering if something is wrong. Instead, it is an affirmation of Love; our mutual possibilities can be expressed in an infinite number of ways. Through Passionate Indifference we can be with our partner without any form of judgment. Some believe this occurs because their capacity to love themselves exceeds their capacity or desire to react.
Co-Dependent Conditioning (conversely) reinforces the idea that we have no creative space and Love is an ideal or illusion. This makes Love something we need to earn or work at. If we learn to see the infinite possibilities within our own Creative Nature, we do not need to hold on to the patterns of caretaking (trying to get others to love us). We can love ourselves and do not have difficulty showing our love to others by fully acknowledging their greatness. When this occurs, we shift from a Personality framework into our Creative Nature. This shift can be identified in how we learn to enjoy contributing to others. We do not take on their beliefs in a negative way, which reduces reactivity. Since we made up many of the negative beliefs about ourselves, why not let them go, or at least turn them around, so we can operate from our creative Being?
Co-Dependence is about playing small. It is about taking minor things and making them larger than they actually are. The more we get caught up in idealizing ourselves or our partners, the less Love we are able to experience. The key to challenging our Co-Dependence is to love ourselves unconditionally. It is about looking deeper to see how Pretenses do not serve either of us. All we need to do is commit to serving the highest in all. In this way, our natural Goodness and Self-Love emerge. Our creative greatness manifests. Co-Dependence fades like dew in the mid-morning.