Sixth Cause Of Co-Dependence
When we get fixated on needing to be right, we inadvertently deny or dim our Light (or Wisdom). Light is the capacity to hold larger possibilities. It takes Energy and Time for us to understand and appreciate our opportunities. The less we get caught in what we think we know, the more we can invest in learning from the bottom up. This is particularly true when we try to build Positions that distinguish us from others so they will Esteem or Admire us. Sometimes Co-Dependent patterns show up as a constant struggle to demonstrate how smart or clever we are. We sacrifice our time, eliminating Wisdom and Light. The more we understand ourselves in depth by spending time in Solitude and reflecting upon our Truth, the more naturally will our Wisdom emerge.
If we are with a partner who denies their Light, they will resist knowing about or investigating new issues. They are be proud they do not have to learn or know certain things to be effective in the world. They avoid the experience of being responsible for another person. They falsely believe that by not knowing they are not a part of the problem. Co-Dependent circumstances are sometimes amplified when we have separate areas of responsibility in the relationship. When this happens, it is easy to blame whoever was in charge (at the moment) and look for them to fix things for us. This pattern can have a large impact on how much we are prepared to share about what we know. We are reluctant to offer information, and resist revealing any details. Paradoxically, this gives gossipers an environment to have overt influence. When we deny our Light, we end up denying our Power to reveal our Truth. Secrecy prevails. Gossips then have power, because they selectively reveal what everyone else denies.
Superficial understanding is built on partial Positions we falsely think are the whole truth. Any time we experience Intensity, Competition or Envy, we are operating in partial Positions and are unable to see our full capabilities. It is our Attachment to these Positions that deaden us to the misery of our incompleteness. This is why these rote learning and memorization practices are so draining. What if we were able to embrace â€˜not knowingâ€™? What if we could admit when we did not know something? Would this free us from the monotony of over-structured, defensive thought patterns? We awaken to the Light when we recognize our ignorance. This in-the-moment experience becomes pregnant when we see how holding a possibility through time teaches us to think in new ways.
Co-Dependent individuals do not question or doubt why things are the way they are. In effect, we have given up our intellectual curiosity and belief that pursuing the unknown unknowns will get us anywhere. When we settle, believing we already know what we need to know, it guarantees we will not ever learn anything different! This reinforces our inability to confront changes in what we expect. The net effect is we always seek to agree with others so nothing new emerges. While it may be difficult to challenge the status quo, it can also bring more light to the circumstances, so a change can be facilitated. Otherwise, in Co-Dependence, people keep doing the same old things falsely hoping things will turn out okay.
Co-Dependent individuals are blind to the value of meaning and knowing. They see knowledge as power and seek to use is as leverage so others will not be able to make the changes they hope for. The primary indication that someone is giving up on their knowing is Contempt (for themselves and others). This is the result of a denial of Self-forgiveness. Instead of valuing open opportunities for change, all we see is the lack of change (that is killing us). Halfway down the road of Contempt, individuals try to fix others by Subjectifying them. They complain, correct and try to control the circumstances because they believe they know best. This, of course, triggers Defensiveness. More importantly, it justifies righteousness or anger at those who do not accept their truth.
Co-Dependent individuals have little capacity to meet others in their Creative Nature. They look for ways to focus on details or remake plans to distract themselves from engaging at a Creative Essence level. They do not know how to be present and engaged without referencing the structure of knowledge that is (in reality) just a Position. Positions have no capacity to respond. They are either aligned or not-aligned. If we can consciously move into the space of not knowing, many possibilities would naturally emerge. This is because our Creative Being would be engaged in the process. When we are connected to the light, we are able to draw upon the wisdom of those around us without becoming merged. Let us not contain our Light, but express it by sharing it with others.