Yes, we can.
What this requires is a commitment to be authentic. Instead of falling into roles around the masculine and feminine ways of being, we need to first recognize that we all have both masculine and feminine sides. This allows us to grow each side of ourselves to the level and degree we want. Instead of being at the effect of other people's judgments, we can choose the degree to which we want to be responsible in our relationships to what is occuring between us.
This is one of the major indicators of consciousness and maturity in the relationships we have.
(You can read more about this on our Problem Statement on our Alignment Technologies site.)
Higher Alignment suggests that there are four levels of relationship with increasing levels of maturity and more integrated masculine and feminine expression. These levels of relationship start off on the Instinctive level, evolve to the Intellectual, then the Idealistic, and finally to the Intuitive level. Each level is a platform that allows us to get to the next level, and therefore, each level builds on the next as we move up the scale.
On the first, Instinctive level, when we are caught in masculine or feminine roles such as the Nurturer for females or the Provider for males, we are not using much of our actual creative capacity. Instead, everything is defined in terms of superficial experiences, and Excitement dictates our attraction to each other.
When we step up into the second, Intellectual level, we start working on proving ourselves through Self Respect (feminine) or Self Esteem (masculine). What we want to do is to have both. But what Intensity dictates is that we fight and struggle to get the other person to accept us.
For me, this is too much work. I would rather accept that I have a masculine and feminine side and let them work together.
On the third, Idealistic, level, it is really about competition (masculine) or cooperation (feminine). It is the ultimate place where we try to establish our self-importance. Instead of seeing that the competition and cooperation could work together, we isolate ourselves and Anxiety becomes the common bond between us. This promotes Idealization, and the up and down roller coaster of trying to always trying to get our partners back. The useful side of this is that it does help us develop our character with the skills of Autonomy and Intimacy. This downside is that we often have to go through a lot of relationships before we get to the one that is worth having.
It would be better if we knew what we were looking for and if the person we were with was more similar to us, rather than opposite to us.
Until we recognize that we can choose the same type of Defense style and actually love that type of partner, we haven't gotten over the matuirity hump. This means we haven't confronted who we are and recognized that there are people out there who could respond to us and accept us as we are.
Of course, the more we try to sell ourselves to others, the more we are trapped by our past salesmanship in inappropriate relationships.
The key way we integrate all of our masculine and feminine expression is by recognizing the value of each side of us. The feminine side of us helps us to wake up. The masculine side helps us to grow up. Until we bring these two together, it is impossible for us to show up as we are, authentically.
What we want to do is to look for individuals who match us, who meet us, and who can be with us, without any compromise. This is what the Higher Alignment work is all about. You might want to tune into our The Ultimate Relationship Fulfillment Guide classes to find out more.